Dear Rosie,
I know you will never read this but I feel compelled to write anyway. Since receiving your letter from the adoption agency last month, I've been struggling to come to terms with the emotional distress you endured following my birth. In your own words I can feel the pain in your spirit. I tremble at your sense of loss and sense of resignation. It is staggering. Your choices were few; keep me, and struggle mightily for survival as an unwed mother, or give me up in exchange for severe anguish and a lifetime of regret. As a parent myself, the notion of relinquishing my rights to my own flesh and blood does not compute in my head. From your letter, I can tell it didn't for you, either. It appears circumstance forced your hand and I need you to know I acknowledge your suffering during that time. Though undoubtedly difficult, I hope in the months and years that followed you were able to eventually come to terms with the ordeal.
I know I can never completely vanquish your sense of loss or any guilt you may have bestowed on yourself, but please know I have never felt wronged in any manner whatsoever. And though I firmly believe it is not necessary, you need to know I forgive you completely and totally. In fact, I will forever be grateful for what I see as a selfless act of courage. Some how you summoned the strength and clarity to properly make the most difficult decision of your life. The most important decision of my life. Perhaps a weaker person would have kept me out of fear in an effort to fend off sorrow or satisfy some inner loneliness. That is a heavy burden to place on an infant or any child and you saw past this temptation. Thank you.
I don't know why your parents wouldn't support you in your time of need but if they had both of our lives would be very different. Maybe things would've been wonderful, but I've seen the challenges single moms face and I know the struggles were even greater back then. Maybe we would've managed but it's a gamble I'm glad you didn't make with my life. I can't imagine anything better than the life I've had. In the end though you did what needed to be done and I have no regrets over your decision. Only praise.
All my life I wondered if someone somewhere in the world was wondering about me. I wondered if they cared or thought about what I was doing, especially on my birthday or Christmas or any day, really. If meeting your family and feeling their love and concern weren't convincing enough, the words in your letter leave no doubt. While I may have been absent from your eyes I was never absent from your heart. I, too, thought of you often, but only in abstract. You were a mystery to me. My hope now, though, is for you to rest in peace knowing your son has found you. And as I get to know you better through the memories of your family, I will continue, as I always have, to cherish your sacrifice and the life you gave me. And hopefully one day, in whatever existence that follows this life, I will be able to thank you in spirit.
Love,
Todd (Joseph Paul)
