During my recent vacation to celebrate my birthday with my
biological aunt and uncle, they mentioned remembering a friend of my birth mother had introduced to them sometime back in the early 1970's. They didn't
remember her name specifically but her husband's name was very
unusual. After a Google search and a few short clicks I found two names and a picture on Facebook. My aunt and uncle looked at
the photo for a few moments and felt fairly positive it might be them.
After returning home from the trip I did a bit more digging and was
able to confirm their identities. From there, I went back to Facebook and
after only a few messages and a few repeated attempts at a “friend
request,” we were connected.
I am happy to say we spoke on the
phone today for about an hour and talked about her memories of my
mother, Rosie. These memories, which I have been given permission
to share, are both lovely and heartbreaking. I've mentioned before in
other blog posts that the circumstances around her pregnancy
and my subsequent adoption were both dramatic and traumatic. Clearly, from what you are about to read, my mother had some very difficult challenges during her early years as an adult. Please keep this in mind though, in the end everything turned out for the better and everyone involved went on to live happy lives.
Cheryl and Rosie were close
friends for a number of years during the late 1960's and early
1970's. She remembers Rosie, who was in her early 20's, as having a
heart of gold and being full of love and compassion. The kind of
person who would do anything for anyone. However, she also remembers
Rosie as being someone who, “cared far more for people than people
cared for her.” Sadly, she remembers Rosie confiding at times how
she felt unloved and unaccepted and thought people judged her harshly
because of her weight problem. As a result of this self-loathing and
sense of rejection, Cheryl believes, from her observations, Rosie had
a tendency to cling to people who showed her any amount of
acceptance.
During this time she remembers
Rosie being a bit of a transient, renting rooms in area houses which
had been converted into small apartments. She recalls she worked in
the title office of a car dealership but often didn't have enough
money to get by. It also didn't appear as if Rosie received any help
from her family or that she even had a good relationship with her
parents. On one occasion she remembers Rosie inviting her mom and dad
for dinner her in small apartment and while she was in the kitchen
cooking, one of her parents asked Rosie why “she couldn't be thin
like her friends,” and why all she thought about was “eating and
cooking.” Cheryl recalls protesting and chiding Rosie's parents for
saying such a rude thing and reminded them the dinner was being
prepared for them. Cheryl remembers them responding they were going
to stay. Cheryl remembers being left with the distinct impression a
great deal of embarrassment surrounded Rosie's weight problem for her
parents and the rejection she felt by them and others drove her to
eat even more.
According to Cheryl, when Rosie
confided she was pregnant, she was in a panic and didn't know how to
handle the situation. No mention was made of who the father was or if
he even knew. Later, after she announced to her parents she was
expecting, Cheryl remembers Rosie being shunned and offered no help
or guidance whatsoever, other than them pushing for her to give me up
for adoption. Cheryl remembers Rosie calling her mom numerous times
and pleading for them to reconsider helping, only to be hung up on
repeatedly.
Cheryl remembers Rosie being poor,
desperate, and lost. The whole matter tore her up emotionally and the
last thing she wanted to do was give me up. Cheryl remembers Rosie
talking to a social worker for advice and getting information about
adoption. Still holding on to hope she tried to figure out a way to
keep me but eventually came to decision to give me up. Cheryl told me
my mother wanted me to have something she never felt she had
herself—two loving and accepting parents. And that's what I got.
Cheryl closed our conversation by
saying how astonishing was to hear from me. She also said after after
looking at the side by side pictures of me and Rosie, I was the
spittin' image of my mother. Cheryl was very forthcoming with her
memories of my mother and Im grateful for her willingness to share.
She told me to stay and in touch and if I think of anything else to
just ask. She seems like a very sweet lady. It's not wonder she and
my mother were such good friends all those years ago.
I closed by reassuring Cheryl that
many years after my birth and adoption Rosie and her parents
reconciled and everyone regretted the decision of ever letting me go.
This was revelation was comforting to her, as she had always wondered
what had happened to Rosie, after the two of them lost touch. She was
also very sorry about Rosie's passing in 2005.
Before hanging up, there was one
last item she wanted to share about Rosie that sent goosebumps racing over my
body. A few years after Rosie had me and settled back into her normal life,
Cheryl gave birth to her first child. She remembers Rosie being very
excited about the baby and wanted to be involved as much as possible.
Both Cheryl, and her husband at the time, loved Rosie and welcomed
her interest and involvement with their new baby boy—they
happened to name, Todd.
Truth, is indeed, stranger than
fiction.
