Adding to my family archives

     My wife likes to pick on me because I keep a personal archive. She does so in jest, I might add, to not cast aspersions. Her gentle jabs have more to do with the amount of space the archives occupy in our closet than the overall act of keeping them. I suppose when I was younger I thought someday I would do something grand and someone somewhere might want this stuff to exhibit. We all start out with grandiose notions, don't we? (FYI, no one has asked yet for any of my archives. Well, except for my friend JP, who has my black and white JAZZ HANDS show choir gloves in his trophy room. Though, I think this is more out of a out of a sense of parody rather than posterity.)

     The real reason I keep an archive is for my children and their children and all the children that come after. The remnants I have from my ancestors are treasures. Two of the the things most valuable to me is my dad's old baseball glove and small silver bell pendent my mom used to wear when I was little. The smell of the glove leather reminds me of my dad and going to his ball games and I vividly recall playing with my mom's pendent when she would hold me in her arms. Both items are kept in my study and on display so I can see them as often as I like--which is almost everyday. Memories are wonderful but these heirlooms quench all the senses and connect me to the past. I want my descendants to be afforded the same experience. I can imagine my great-great grandchild sitting on the floor playing with the same pine wood derby car my dad helped me build for Cub Scouts when I was a boy. To me, that's gratifying.
     After reconnecting with my biological mother's family I was touched by their heartfelt generosity. During our first meeting I was presented with Rosie's personal photo album and a small silver baby cup bearing her engraved initials. I was told it was a gift to her from an uncle. No longer was Rosie only an abstract idea in my mind; at long last I had a tangible connection to my mother. The emotions at that moment were overwhelming and I wasn't prepared to receive such amazing gifts. This scene was repeated on the morning of my birthday, a week or so ago on September 3rd. 
     Fairly soon after reconnecting earlier this spring, I suggested to my newly found family it might be nice to spend my birthday with them this year at their home in Pennsylvania. As I've written before, I think our reconnecting has been as much about them finding me as me finding them. So, inviting myself to their place didn't seem out of place. They were eager to celebrate and after 45 years of missed birthdays we agreed it was about time. 

Rosie's Baby Book and other items

     My birthday morning began with homemade Belgian waffles by Uncle Jerry, fresh bacon, and an assortment of nfruit toppings. This is my favorite and it was no coincidence. Apparently they had been in contact with my wife the weeks leading up to our visit to make sure they had some of my favorites on hand. How lucky am I? Pretty darn lucky. Later that day we had lasagna and cheesecake for desert. Again, my favorites.
     The highlight of the day, as with any birthday, was opening gifts. And much like the photo album and silver cup, these gifts were personal and very touching. First was a five DVD collection of their family movies, beginning in 1959 through the late 1960's. I've since watched the videos and they contain archive footage of Rosie as a young girl, teenager, and young woman. Among other things, it shows her going to prom, marching in a parade, and playing the piano. It also shows her tearfully opening a box on Christmas morning containing the typewriter she had desperately wanted. It also shows Uncle Jerry gleefully opening a train set from Santa Claus. Also quite moving were the images of my Grandma and Grandpa Higgins hugging, kissing, laughing and holding each other under mistletoe. It also shows vacations, snow storms, croquet, picnics, and a lot of horsing around. In all, it shows a happy family. My family.
     Uncle Jerry then handed me a large overstuffed envelope. I was amazed to discover Rosie's permanent record. That's right, it was her final grade card from high school and other personal paperwork. Sadly, I did not inherit her praiseworthy scholastic abilities. The envelope also included her diploma, class pendent, tassel, and a choir pin. I have the same items from my mom and they will soon all be displayed side by side with their graduation portraits. Two kinds of love, to be sure. 

A lovely card and sentiment

     The item I found most intriguing was Rosie's baby book, kept up by her mother. Many parents, including myself, have started baby books for their children and over time lost track of the books or stopped filling them out altogether. Grandma Higgins did a very nice job filling in most of the book with both the big and small details of Rosie's early years. I think my favorite entry is an outline of Rosie's lefthand and a foot. I can't tell if Rosie attempted to trace it herself when she was a toddler or if Grandma was responsible for the squiggly lines. Either way, it's sweet and beautiful. I was especially touched by the little pink baby bracelet Rosie wore on her wrist in the hospital nursery as a newborn. Then Aunt Kathy handed me a small box and card. She makes greeting cards as a hobby and her handmade birthday wish is quite exquisite. The inscription, even more so: "Dear Todd, Happy Birthday! We are so happy that we can celebrate with you! "Happy Birthday," for every year that we missed with you. We love you. So happy we found you." After drying my eyes I opened the small box to find a silver diamond and opal ring. According to Kathy, it was Rosie's favorite piece of jewelry. Truly a treasure that will be cherished for generations to come. 
     All of these gifts, and most importantly the time I've spent with my biological family, reinforce to me that something has been missing from my life for the past 45 years. In the past I've written my desire to find my biological family was done out of curiosity more than some emotional desire. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I wasn't able to recognize this need in myself as easily as my mom did when she encouraged me to search. Part of my identity has been missing and this was made clear to me during my visit to Pennsylvania. Beyond all the things I received that had belonged to my mother, simply sitting with my family was the biggest blessing. It was wonderful and I especially enjoyed chatting with my cousin Emily. I'm several years older but I feel comfortable enough to say we share common sensibilities. We even talked about Seinfeld, of all the things. Finally, someone in my family who gets me! Clearly, humor comes from nature, not nurture. I can't wait to learn more. 

Uncle Jerry and Aunt Kathy receiving my gifts

     It might be interesting to note that I was not the only one to receive gifts during the visit. To me, at the risk of parsing words, there is a difference between the words "present" and "gift." Presents are wonderful and include items like toys, slippers, jewels, DVD players, or even a new car. Gifts, on the other hand, at least in my mind, should have meaning and reveal heartfelt sentiment. After getting to know him, I was astounded to learn Uncle Jerry, much like myself, used worked in radio. This was during his younger days but he's always had an interest in the history of broadcasting. If fact, growing up north of Dayton in Greenville, Ohio he used to listen regularly to WING-AM. Turns out WING-AM was very first professional radio job and during a station sale of old equipment, I snagged one of the original microphones from the North Main Street studios in downtown Dayton during the 1950's. It's been in my collection ever since and from one radio geek to another, I was happy to pass this mic on to him as a token of my love and appreciation. Maybe someday we'll do a radio show together. That'd be a hoot! 
     My Aunt Kathy has become a very special person to me. Not only is she my aunt but she was good friends with Rosie and for a short time they shared an apartment. I feel a special connection with her because of this and many of the other wonderful things she's shared with me. I will be forever thankful for her love, concern and prayers. I had a special gift in mind but I was afraid it would be too personal too soon in our relationship. However, with encouragement from my wife, I decided to present Kathy my baby blanket and a little lock of hair my mom had kept in my baby book from my first haircut. I know she was deeply moved. Of course, I would've loved to have given this gift to Rosie but it didn't work out that way. Though, I'm sure Rosie approves of the gesture.
     This is how you celebrate a birthday.