Father's Day wasn't the same after my dad died in 2002. What made that first Father's Day without him even more poignant was he died only nine days before. He was buried with a few Father's Day cards, unread.
While he was alive, I made sure to wish him happy Father's Day every year. A few years we played a round of golf or went to a ball game. Some years it was nothing more than a phone call or going out to dinner. In 2000, we went on a weekend trip to Cooperstown to the National Baseball Hall of Fame. The love of baseball was the one thing we shared in common. That was the last Father's Day I spent with him. The following year we weren't speaking, after he and my mom briefly separated and I was not real happy with him. I wish I would've handle it differently.
Ever since his passing, I make a trip to a cemetery near Brookville, Ohio to visit his grave around Father's Day. I like to spend a few minutes giving him an update on what's going on in my life. This year, I made my visit on the way home from visiting my birth mother's grave in Greenville for the first time. Needless to say, I had a lot to share about finding my birth parents and family. I know he would've been thrilled for me.
Typically on Father's Day, I receive a lovely card from my mom, my wife makes me a special breakfast, and my son gives me a big heartfelt hug. All of which are perfect in every way. This year though, I received a Father's Day gift I won't soon forget. I woke up to a warm and gracious message from my birth father, Darrel.
I've never met Darrel in person, but over the past month since reconnecting, we've talked on the phone several times. As Father's Day was approaching, I wasn't sure how to handle it. I feared a Father's Day greeting from me might be too assertive, given the newness of our friendship. But I also was concerned if I didn't acknowledge the day it could lead to hurt feelings. I certainly didn't want diminish his role in my life. After all, if it weren't for him I wouldn't be here. So, after much contemplation, I sent him a short greeting on Friday afternoon. This morning, he conveyed to me his gratitude upon reading the message. I feel like the foundations of a father/son relationship are being laid and I couldn't he happier.
I would have never guessed reconnecting with my birth parents and family would lead to such joy and contentment. Before I began my search, I read horror stories of adoptees being rejected by their birth parents while trying to reconnect. On some level, I prepared myself for such disappointment. But other than my birth mother still being alive, I can't imagine my story being any better. Every nugget I uncover in my search is a shining reminder of how lucky I am.
For me, Father's Day has been renewed and I look forward to many more with Darrel.
