Imagine you were someone else. Not necessarily in personality or social status, but rather, you had been given a different name. Do you think you'd be the same kind of person you are now, only with a different name? Over the last few days, I've been wondering about this question quite a bit. I have a scrapbook my late father started for me after I was brought home from the adoption agency. In it, there are questions parents can answer for their children. One of the questions asked is, "Why we named you ______________?" His response in the book reads, "we named you Todd Alan because we thought it sounded good." While I'm not complaining, it always kind of struck me as being rather impersonal. I'm happy with my name, but nearly every other man with the last name of Hollst has been named after someone before him, except for me. Even I named my son after his great-grandfather. Well, I did change Adolf to Alexander, for obvious reasons.
I've often wondered if I had another name prior to my adoptive parents giving me a name. I was born in September 1969 and came to my adoptive parents four months later, so I always assumed I probably had a quasi name. Sort of a stand-in name or maybe even a nickname, like "drool baby" or "the kid with colic." Plus, the law requires a baby be given a name and have it stated on the original birth certificate. I finally got my answer when I received my original birth certificate. I was born to Rosemary Folkerth at the Catherine Booth Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio and was given the name Joseph Paul Folkerth.
The birth certificate revealed much information, but no father's name is listed in the space provided. It did, however, list my mother's maiden name of "Higgins." Of course, after getting information like this the first thing you do is GOOGLE. And to my surprise, I found a few listings for someone searching for a Joseph Paul Higgins. The first inquiry I found listed my birth mother's name and the name of a father--not, with the last name of Folkerth. This certainly raises some questions as to circumstance. I'm not revealing the name here because this person may still be alive and deserves their privacy. And he might not even know I exist. Again, many questions. The second "searching" listing revealed even more poignant information and it was heartbreaking:
The birth certificate revealed much information, but no father's name is listed in the space provided. It did, however, list my mother's maiden name of "Higgins." Of course, after getting information like this the first thing you do is GOOGLE. And to my surprise, I found a few listings for someone searching for a Joseph Paul Higgins. The first inquiry I found listed my birth mother's name and the name of a father--not, with the last name of Folkerth. This certainly raises some questions as to circumstance. I'm not revealing the name here because this person may still be alive and deserves their privacy. And he might not even know I exist. Again, many questions. The second "searching" listing revealed even more poignant information and it was heartbreaking:
When I began this journey, my intention was to simply find the name of my birth mother. I didn't feel I was ready to begin a new relationship with her or anyone from my birth family. But now, after discovering she tried to find me before she died, I too am compelled to complete her task. And as it turns out, though she passed away in St. Louis, Missouri in 2005, she's buried in her hometown--Greenville, Ohio.
I've sent an email to her brother who posted both inquiries and I hope to learn more about this unselfish woman who gave me up for a better life. My heart aches, but I'm filled with such gratitude for her sacrifice. I looking forward to expressing this sentiment to her and her surviving family in the very near future.
I've sent an email to her brother who posted both inquiries and I hope to learn more about this unselfish woman who gave me up for a better life. My heart aches, but I'm filled with such gratitude for her sacrifice. I looking forward to expressing this sentiment to her and her surviving family in the very near future.
